Get help now | Domestic violence helplines, San Diego County

In danger right now

Call 911. If you cannot speak, a lot of areas will take a silent 911 call and send someone anyway.

24 hours, every day

Helplines

Tap any number to call it. If someone checks your phone, remember that a call shows up in the log.

National Domestic Violence Hotline 24 hours · 200+ languages · also text START to 88788 800-799-7233 San Diego County domestic violence hotline Center for Community Solutions · shelter beds, counseling, safety planning 888-385-4657 Women’s Resource Center, Oceanside 24 hour hotline · emergency shelter · court accompaniment 760-757-3500 Becky’s House, YWCA San Diego 24 hour crisis line · emergency shelter for women and children 619-234-3164 RAINN, sexual assault hotline 24 hours · routes you to a local center · also text HOPE to 64673 800-656-4673 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline Call or text 988 · in San Diego it reaches the Access & Crisis Line 988 San Diego Access & Crisis Line 24 hours · mental health, crisis and referrals · 200+ languages 888-724-7240 Adult Protective Services 24 hours · abuse of an older or dependent adult 800-510-2020 Child Protective Services 24 hours · San Diego County 800-344-6000 2-1-1 San Diego Housing, food, legal help and anything else · 800-227-0997 from a cell 2-1-1

Men are abused too, and every line above takes calls from anyone. The national helpline on 800-799-7233 supports people of any gender.

North County San Diego

Shelters and refuges

Call ahead. Beds move around, and the hotline will know tonight what a website cannot.

Hidden Valley House Emergency domestic violence shelter, adults and children · run by Center for Community Solutions 760-480-0055 Community Resource Center, Libre program Encinitas · shelter and domestic violence services 877-633-1112 St Clare’s Home Emergency and transitional housing 760-741-0122 Rancho Coastal Humane Society, Animal Safehouse Fosters pets so you do not have to leave an animal behind 760-753-6413

If you are staying because of a dog or a cat, the Animal Safehouse above exists for exactly that. It is one of the most common reasons people give for not going, and it is solvable.

Written by Claudia Sinkule

Eleven things that make you safer

This will not guarantee your safety. Nothing can. It will give you more control than you have today, and control is what gets taken first.

Stop lying to yourself. Admit it to yourself, and to one person you trust. It is what it is, it is abusive, and you know it.
Educate yourself. Get the facts and know the signs.
Watch for red flags. That shift in behaviour just before it erupts. You already know what it looks like.
Get back control. Make small good choices, and keep making them.
Make an exit plan. For yourself and for your children.
Copy your important papers. ID, birth certificates, bank details, immigration papers. Keep the copies with you or with someone safe.
Know where your phone is. It could be your lifeline.
Have a spare set of keys. House and car, hidden or with a friend.
Be careful online. You can be traced that way. There is more on this below.
Seek help. Call 911 in an emergency, and one of the hotlines above before it is one.
Go somewhere safe. Do not be on your own.

Once you have got out, keep going

Seventy per cent of domestic violence murders happen after the victim has left. That is not a reason to stay. It is the reason to leave with a plan, with other people knowing, and to stay careful afterwards for longer than feels necessary.

If someone is watching you

Staying safe online

Your internet and your phone can both be traced, and an abuser who checks them will see that you were here.

On a phone or a computer

Clear your cache and browser history often, and know that clearing it all at once can itself look suspicious.
Your username, email address and phone number can all be searched. One site has your employer, another has an event you went to, and together they are a map.
Any picture you post can be found with a reverse image search, including photographs of drawings and artwork.
Change your passwords often and make them long. Your rough location can be worked out from your IP address.
A high privacy setting does not help if your friends have low ones. A stalker who knows them can reach you through their photos and contacts.
Turn GPS off on your phone. Photos and posts can carry the location they were taken at.

In the rest of your life

Change your number and keep it unlisted. A Google Voice number works as a front door. Do not take personal calls at work.
Get a PO box and send everything there, utility bills included.
Change your routines. Different route to work, different times, different coffee shop, different grocery store.
Keep a record of every call, text and email. It is evidence later even if it feels pointless now.
Tell your neighbours what is happening and ask them to call the police if they hear anything.

About the Quick exit button

The button at the top of every page here will take you straight to a weather site, and pressing Escape twice does the same thing. It replaces this page so the Back button does not bring you back.

It cannot delete your history, because no website can do that. If someone checks your browser, use a device they cannot reach: a library computer, a friend’s phone, or a work machine if work is safe.

San Diego Sheriff

Looking something up

Public records that people often need and rarely know about.

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